Two internet sick kids in love
In the stairs water bar, we attended the birthday party of the same friend.
He sat opposite me.
Ice blue T-shirt, pure white cotton trousers.
It’s so clean and clear, just like his people.
Cover the merger of the corners of the eyes and ears, sad eyes when quiet, and the lines of the corners of the mouth.
It’s a handsome boy.
He smiles sometimes, but sometimes.
He doesn’t like talking.
I saw a touch of ice blue under his non-smiling eyes, that must be the background of his life.
The sunset was bleeding with blood.
The clouds were scattered by the wind, and the wounds were displayed recklessly.
The shadows of the evening bloomed into fine petals in the ice-blue wind. They passed through the bright floor-to-ceiling windows and fell silently into Xiao Ze’s eyes.
Fragments of those beautiful petals.
Xiao Ze and I live in different corners of the same city.
He is one year younger than me. He is a child who has just entered the second year of high school. He faces heavy studies and family, and the kindness of his teacher every day.
And I was admitted to the best university in the city to study Chinese.
When I was about to start school, the end of summer, I broke up with my tall and thin boyfriend.
He is my first but I am not his last.
His departure was as hasty as his arrival.
He is the most handsome boy I have ever seen, but he has a numb heart.
The first girl he ever loved had frozen his feelings.
I cried as if I lost a beloved toy.
I’ve been crying all the time, noon, dusk, late night, cloudy, sunny, rainy . I cried that my pure white love was squandered by him.
He said sorry.
He sent text messages and kept explaining.
This is not because he was frightened by my tears, maybe it was just a step he thought should be completed.
And the only thing I’m proud of is that I never shed a tear in front of him, he doesn’t know how I look when I cry.
I don’t love him, I just cry for my first love.
I cried for two full months.
For the first time in November, the most beautiful roads in the city began to fall in a frustrated winter.
Every weekend when I take the school bus home, I like to see the scenery outside the glass window.
There was a still lead-grey sky over the road, and the clouds covered it well, no wounds, no blood, no pain.
There is still a scorched sycamore leaf drifting into an old and wild posture.
When I got home, I turned on my computer and started surfing the Internet.
In the chat room I often go to, I unexpectedly encountered many friends I met in August, including Xiao Ze.
I think we are back in that warm time.
We got together and dominated the big screen of the chat room.
This noise makes me happy. Xiao Ze knew the mask in the chat room as I did.
We hide the sad side in a deep and dark place in our souls, and all people only see our bright and happy words.
They think our happiness is simple, and our happiness is not sad.
Pioneer advantage love.
Xiao Ze said he just broke up with GF.
I said I just said goodbye to first love BF.
He said, sister, are you okay now.
I no longer cry for my innocent love.
So I smiled and said, it’s not sad that I don’t want him anymore.
He was silent for a while, sister and I add you QQ.
I said okay okay.
Then he appeared in my friends bar.
His name is ice blue wind.
At that moment, I suddenly felt a coolness that seemed familiar.
He chatted with many people in the chat room, and couldn’t see a trace of sadness.
But he completely took off the mask on QQ.
He said, sister, I’m very unhappy now.
I sometimes don’t know why I live.
What is the meaning of life?
The girl I like very much, we also met in August.
I really like her but I want to leave her.
Because I’m afraid the farewell after the fall is more painful.
I know the cruelty of reality will separate us.
Sister, I’m so far away from her city, don’t you say that distance creates distance.
I think it will be the case.
I feel bored again now.
I’m not talking about boring with you.
I’m just in a bad mood.
You can understand my emotions, right.
When are you going down
Will you stay with me?
Ha ha, you can’t say you know me, but we do have many dark sides in common.
. I looked at the screen. I think Xiao Ze is really sick. He is a child living on the dark side of the flower.
Happiness passes by like warm sunlight, leaving shadows in an instant.
I consoled him, but I found myself playing the same helpless gray.
I told him what Anne said, it was an age of farewell, and we lived for the beautiful moments in our lives.
I started reading Annie in the winter of 2001.
The first work I saw was her prose, Irish Music.
The gorgeous, dark text, like the Irish melody she loved, was a silent blue-purple puddle in the jungle, with fine white petals floating.
I fell in love with Annie’s text at that instant.At that moment, I was fascinated by the deep-hearted coolness released by those illusory illusions.
Ice blue wind blows through the jungle.
I admit that I am a girl living in Anne’s writings and living in my own fantasy.
I and the world outside the fire tree silver flower keep a distance that many people can’t cross.
Those of my good friends, they said that I am innocent to eat human fireworks.
My black man always has noble sorrow.
They think the boy I like should have the appearance and temperament like Xiao Ze.
A clean ice blue keeps me away from dust and turbidity.
A little sadness and decadence can understand those equally gloomy emotions in my soul.
But I love Annie so much, I love her more than any boy.
Her words sing in my soul day and night.
Sing into a cherry blossom, into a rose, into a iris, and then make a weak and lonely love.
I broke up with many other boys after breaking up with him.
In the network, in reality, my boyfriend changed one after another.
At first my good friends said that I had fun and made them sad, but then I saw that I was indifferent and advised me to cease the fire.
On the Christmas blessing card, they write, I hope you can restore your wandering heart as soon as possible.
I know they persuaded in good faith.
I looked at that line and suddenly laughed wildly.
Laughter echoed directly and crisply in the small room of the bedroom.
At the end of the smile, I felt only desolate.
When I think of a girl, my heart is everywhere, and only one heartache.
This game is exciting, but as a result of anesthesia, it completely loses hope for love.
For a while I was not interested in any boys.
Although I am with them.
They said they liked me, and I looked at them and just smiled.
I don’t believe them. I think they will deceive me. This is a blasphemy to me.
I hate deception.
But, in a sense, did I deceive them?
I feel powerless sorrow for myself.
Girl, all she saw in her eyes was parting, all she held in her hand was pain.
I know I’m sick, and my illness is getting worse.
My love will become chaotic and incomplete.
I don’t have the ability to love someone completely.
My growth is completed in the last summer of August, and I will age with all the time remaining in my life.
But I believe Xiao Ze is different from them.
He is my dear brother.
I like him and he likes me.
There is no love between us, our feelings are more innocent than the whitest cherry petals.
One night, I was in the bedroom alone, listening to my favorite Korean HIP-HOP, and suddenly received a call from Xiao Ze.We talked about each other’s long and boring lives on campus like two old friends we knew very well.
Xiao Ze’s voice was bright and fresh, which was his bright side.
He said that you have eaten. I will call you in the afternoon and you will be shutting down in class.
He said, what are you doing in the bedroom alone?
It won’t be truancy.
He said that I bought a tape today for rock and roll, but I can’t remember the names of singers and bands.
Finally, he said, I also want to take the Chinese Department, and your current major is my biggest dream.
After speaking, he grinned on the phone.
I held the microphone and suddenly stopped.
Xiao Ze said that he was a literature-loving child and wanted to read Chinese.
I saw myself half a year ago from him.
Entering the Chinese Department of this university at that time was all my ideals and happiness.
Everything except Annie’s text gave way to this ideal.
But after I passed the exam, I found that everything was exactly as Gesang said. It felt like I was dying. I didn’t know what to do. The reality and ideal were far from it.
Maybe I can’t bear to hear his disappointed voice, I can’t bear to see his disappointed eyes.